Ep.10. How to Build Rapport with Anyone (Podcast Show Notes)

TIME STAMPS

[04:20]        Introduction to Robin Dreeke

[05:19]        How long was Robin Dreeke with the FBI?

[05:35]        What Robin Dreeke does as a behavioral analyst?

[06:47]        Robin Dreeke on recruiting foreign spies for the FBI

• What is the process of recruiting a foreign spy? [07:24]
• How do you get close to a foreign spy to recruit them? [09:30]
• Don’t the spies see you coming and have their guards up? [10:34]
• Two methodologies that intelligence services use – covert approach or the beacon approach  [10:51]

[11:37]        How do you build rapport in a way that doesn’t come off as creepy or suspicious?

• Robin’s three anchors
  • Have a healthy and professional relationship [12:22]   
  • Have open and honest communication and transparency [10:35]
  • Be an available resource for the success of others without expectation of reciprocity [12:49]
• Four pillars to making the entire conversation about the other person
  • Seek their thoughts and opinions [13:17]
  • Talk in terms of their priorities [13:21]
  • Validate who they are without judging them [13:28]
  • Empower them with choices [13:40]

[18:16]        Lessons Robin learnt when he was ranked last out of all the second lieutenants in the Marine Corps

• How to be a better leader — Make it about everyone else but yourself [18:23]

• The new car effect [19:14]   

[19:56]        Robin’s advice on how to build rapport at a networking event

• Look for someone who’s smiling [20:31]

Seek their thought or opinion about a third-party reference [20:44]

QUOTES

— On behavioral analysis

• Behavioral analysis throughout my entire career both inside and outside the FBI really came down to communication with people and leading. 

— On leadership

• Leadership (at least one aspect of it) is moving towards a goal with either one or a group of people.

— On recruiting foreign spies for the FBI

• My job inside the FBI was to strategize how to recruit a foreign spy. And that requires a massive amount of behavioral analysis to come up with ways that strategize trust and strategize a strong, healthy relationship.
• It [recruiting foreign spies] is basically trying to recruit individuals that are part of diplomatic establishments and embassies and missions that are pretending to be diplomats but, in reality, are special services or intelligence officers collecting intel from our country.
• I call it (recruiting foreign spies) the toughest sales job in the world. My job was selling a product (American patriotism) to foreign Intelligence officers. Not only do I have a product they don’t want to buy, it’s illegal for me to actually walk up and try to sell it to them.
• How do you recruit a foreign spy? You don’t. Basically every human being’s needs are exceptionally predictable. They will always act in their own best interest. My job was to figure out what they thought was in their best interest and offer my resources in terms of those things. 
• There are two methodologies that intelligence services will use. One will try to use a covert approach where they don’t know who they’re talking to.
• As soon as any attempt at subterfuge or deception is even suspected, you don’t have trust. No trust, no relationship; and things blow up.

— On building rapport

• Every human being is seeking to be affiliated and valued by the organizations they belong to. 
• Our ancient tribal brain wants to belong to meaningful groups and organizations and feel valued by those same organizations.
• You cannot have that healthy relationship without open and honest communication and transparency. 
• You only give people that you value and want to affiliate with choices. 
• You can’t save the world, but you can make a difference one person at a time.
• I’m that typical type A guy — naval academy, marine corps officer, FBI guy. If you’re going to use that kind of personality in a world where you’re selling a product no one wants to buy, you’re going to fail majestically. 
• If you’re born doing these things (being a good leader), you have no idea what you’re doing. You’re just being you. And if you’re not born doing these things, you’re trying to mimic behaviors of others.
• When you give behaviors labels and meanings, you can recognise them so much faster and you can implement them and enhance them. 
• If you’re meeting a stranger, you don’t want to be intrusive and say, “Hey, tell me about yourself.” You don’t want to tell them about yourself because who cares. But you can seek their thought or opinion about a third-party reference.
• [You’re at this networking event, who do you know to go up to and talk to?] The first thing I’m doing is I’m looking for someone who’s smiling because, if they’re smiling, they’re looking to engage because they’re displaying open, nonverbal communication.

Get Connected

Get Connected with Robin Dreeke

People Formula Website | Robin Dreeke’s LinkedIn

Resources Mentioned in the Episode:

• Sizing People Up by Robin Dreeke 
• It’s Not All About “Me”: The Top Ten Techniques for Building Quick Rapport with Anyone by Robin Dreeke
• The Code of Trust – An American Counterintelligence Expert’s Five Rules to Lead and Succeed by Robin Dreeke

Levity: Visit https://www.leadwithlevity.com if you’re interested in learning more about this concept or email info@leadwithlevity.com if you’d like to collaborate on a future podcast episode.

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